wonderfully made: questions and comments | getting real about pregnancy

Thursday, May 21, 2015

questions and comments | getting real about pregnancy

So this post is a little different than usual...and it's ALL about baby so if you're tired of me talking about babies, skip this post! 

This blog is 80% my diary and 20% my way to interact with the lovely people of the internet/my family. I contemplated writing down some thoughts thus far during my pregnancy, but I'm not the 'notebook on my nightstand' kind of person and I've never had a diary that made it past the 6th grade. So today I'm sharing a wide open brain dump on all the fun/scary/silly/gross things about this pregnancy as well as throwing out a few questions to my experienced mamas out there!

+this baby is a MOVER. He is always moving at about 10pm, right when I go to bed. Recently (as in from about 22 weeks until now) he has been waking up with me, squirming every time it's time to eat (seriously, diva), and doing a little dance whenever I take a bath (which is often). I'm loving it but I'm pretty fearful at what this will feel like when he weighs 5+ pounds more!

+I came home and laid down for a cat nap after work on Monday (Monday is always rough!) and this boy was DANCING. I don't know how else to describe his movements, but I could feel him in 3, sometimes 4 spots and he was moving quickly! LOVE these moments.

+my belly. so. itchy. Everything so far has been centered on my bra line: back pain, bra pain, and itching. Make it stop!

+little boy hangs out on the right side. Kind of weird, and kind of a coincidence, I think? 

+my belly button looks WEIRD. It flattened out almost out of nowhere and I'm afraid I'll have a full-on outie pretty soon. For some reason, I never thought I'd have an outie and I kind of wasn't okay with it, but I'm going to have to be!

+the linea negra has shown up...it's not super dark or super noticeable but it's there! so weird...

+I think I'm waddling. I feel like it's way too soon and not super necessary, but I definitely walk slower and waddle from time to time. I kind of feel like I've been riding horses all day because there is some pain/pressure...down there...can't wait for labor! <sarcasm>

+a few months ago (before pregnancy) I had this weird bump in my underarm (TMI, sorry) but it turned out to be a clogged pore and went away quickly. Since then, I had another lump form under my underarm which I figured was the same thing. It didn't go away, though, and now both sides are lumpy. I started getting worried (we have lots of lymph nodes there, which sometimes can indicate early stages of cancer) so I asked my doctor last week about it. She (and Google) both said that they are likely extra breast tissue and/or milk glands but she is sending me for an ultrasound just to be safe. My body is going through so many changes, it's hard to know what to worry about and what not to worry about! Anyone else experience this?

+every day is so odd...one minute I'll feel huge and like I've been pregnant forever and that meeting this baby is super close, but then the next minute I'll realize that maybe I'm not THAT big and we still have SUCH a long way to go before he is born. It's kind of a struggle to deal with that day in and out, but I know I'll meet this boy soon enough and I should just cherish the times right now. It's true what they say about feeling great in your second trimester (other than my back issues) so I'm just hoping I can keep this level of energy for awhile.

and now for some questions:

-birth, y'all. I'm terrified. I think it through all the time and try to be logical about it, but I'm still so scared. I've been scared of giving birth for as long as I can remember; I'm talking YEARS! A lot of people (like my sister) say it's not bad if you get the epidural (I'm planning on it) but I'm a weirdo and I enjoy reading birth stories and it's pretty obvious that everyone's experience is different. What if the epidural doesn't work? What if my body goes crazy? What if I don't deliver until I'm like, 42 weeks pregnant and I have an 11 pound baby? I've always hated the doctor and have avoided injury at all cost. I get the shakes and sweats thinking about serious medical things (I just about flipped when I realized they put an IV in everyone at the ER when we went last year) and I have a feeling I'm going to have this overwhelming sense of fear/anxiety when we go to the hospital rather than the serene peacefulness and anticipation of meeting our baby. I'm not really scared about the recovery because I think (hope) that will be uncomfortable but manageable with lots of help, but it's just the act of getting him out that I'm terrified of. I'm CRAZY!

-birthing classes? are these necessary? How do I go about getting into one of these? I'm sure this is a question for my doctor, but I just wonder if they are cheesy and a waste of time. Sounds silly, considering the paragraph of pure fear above...

-what can I do about this itchy stomach?? I've done lotion and it hasn't been much help. Will it itch for the rest of pregnancy?

-how do I go about finding a pediatrician? That just seems daunting and no fun at all...

That's it for now, y'all. Sorry to bombard you with all things BABY, but I'd love your feedback/stories/calming hypnosis to quell my fears! Thanks, y'all!!!

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