wonderfully made: my new life

Thursday, August 13, 2015

my new life

Ever since I can remember, it was always just a given that I’d be a mom someday. No, I don’t feel like it’s some ‘gender role’ that I was forced into, I just never wanted or imagined it being any different. As I got older, the thought was still there but the specifics were always blurry. Would I have one child or four (or some number in between)? Would I have them while I was still young or as I got older? There were always uncertainties and questions but I knew this: I wanted to be a mom.

Talking about kids when you’re seriously dating someone just comes with the territory. Mark and I had multiple conversations about kids before we got married and in the few years since. As we got closer to deciding it was time to start our family, we started exploring the ‘what ifs’ that I’d asked myself over the years. How many? We still don’t know (I call baby B our trial run - we'll see how this one goes!). I’m 28 now, which I think was a good time to start our family (my mom was 28 but my sister was 24!). One of the biggest ‘what ifs’ was how our life would look after the baby was here. This was not an easy series of discussions!

Mark and I started working to pay off debt last year and were happily successful. Even before that, steps were taken and doors were opened to provide us a strong foundation to move forward with our future plans. When we found out we were pregnant, it was time to make the biggest decision: what does the future look like? 

After tons of prayer, calculation, research, and positive thinking, we’ve answered that question. I’ve submitted my resignation at my current (wonderful) company and will be starting my life as a stay at home mom at the end of this month (or whenever baby comes – whichever happens first!).

Although being a stay at home mom has always been the ideal solution for our family, it wasn’t an easy decision. We’re dropping my income and adding expenses like health insurance and just the general cost of a new person in our family. I’m giving up a career, a daily purpose, and most of my social life in order to stay home. On the other hand, oh, what a great daily purpose I’m beginning!

I never thought twice about my mom being a stay at home mom. It was natural to her and to us and I think my sister and I benefited greatly by her presence day in and day out. Mark says that his most fond memories are of the special times he had at home with his mom and he’ll randomly come in the room beaming, saying “I’m just really glad you are getting to stay home with our baby” (insert awwww here). I’ve seen so many lives blossom with the benefit of a parent staying at home to care for their children and I’m so excited to enter into this new ‘career’, at long last.

Our choice is a personal one and we’re very aware that the decision is different for all sorts of people. I have friends who can’t imagine giving up their career to stay home, and that’s perfectly alright. I can’t help but admire them for their choice and realize that everyone lives and loves differently and I support them!

One thing I can’t get over is how much life is about to change. My life is about to take a 180 degree turn and I have no idea what to expect. I’m changing my career and daily way of life, adding a new person whom I’m 100% responsible for (at least when Mark’s at work), my body is changing, my lifestyle is changing, and our entire tax bracket, income, and shopping habits (in all categories) are changing. It’s my new life! I’m terrified and ecstatic all at once.

About that ecstatic feeling - it definitely outweighs the moments of terror. I don't think I can even fully swallow the idea that I'll get to be with our child day in and out and experience all of the firsts and the fun times with him! I'm excited to spend more time with family members and friends that also stay home or don't have strict working schedules. I'm excited to take on a new role at home and streamline all of our daily tasks to make life better and hopefully more simple for Mark and myself. This is something I've been wanting for a really, really long time and I can hardly believe that it's about to happen in a few short weeks!

Like I said, this wasn’t an easy decision and we are moving forward with caution since we won’t know exactly what this new life will look like until we are in the thick of it. I'm also really sad to leave my job as it's easily been the best experience in my career. Moving forward, we welcome your advice and prayers as we embark on this new adventure. We are so excited for our new life!

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